Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
