Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
