I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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