i think i have two assholes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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