Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
