Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't put those talents on a resume
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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