i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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