R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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