I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
