If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
