end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
