He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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