I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
