Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
