so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
