Yo dont text me then not text me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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