Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
