you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
