bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
