And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
