yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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