Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Alive.
So much puke
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
