Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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