i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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