I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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