Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
