dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
