I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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