This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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