You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
