FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
