And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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