So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
