You work out of a Hotel?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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