i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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