In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
