I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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