Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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