You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
