...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
