I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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