note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
