I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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