i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
