Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
