no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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