woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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