he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
