toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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