I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
