turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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