Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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