Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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