i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
