I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
