I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
