There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
