yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
