she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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