Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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