How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
