it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
