Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
