plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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