is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
