And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
