So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude.. I donβt care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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