First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
