If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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