i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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