I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
