I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
