Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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