And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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