i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
